This weekend I was in Vegas. I had an interview for a position as a flight attendant at the Paris hotel. A faux(fake) version of Paris. Totally equipped with the Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triomphe, and even faux metro entrances. I thought that it would give me a taste of what I missed, and maybe make me miss Paris less. Au contraire. Everything reminded me of Paris, except the magic was missing.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get the job. Before you become sad for me, I didn’t really want it after they gave me more information. Being a flight attendant is all about the benefits and the company culture. This particular company didn’t feel right.
Now, there were a few good things that came out of this weekend. I got more interview experience, I found out I don’t love Vegas, and I read a book of Poetry that made all of this bearable.
I read Wild Embers by Nikita Gill. There are so many poems in the book that I could share, but I wanted to share the one that initially made me buy the book.
Remember what you must do
When the undervalue you,
When they think your softness is your weakness,
when they treat your kindness
like it is their advantage
that sleeps inside you
and you remind them
what hell looks like
when it wears the skin
of a gentle human.
This poem, and all the others in the book are made to encourage you to be your best and feel your best. Also, teaching you to listen to yourself and to do what you really want. I am not sure I know EXACTLY what I want. But at least now I know when things don’t feel right, and when they aren’t meant to be.
They always have.
We just have to rewrite them
Over and Over again
till they fit
Keep on Dreaming ( continue de rêver)
There is a Poem on my vision board, and it has become true as I have believed it more and more as I have changed over the years. If you have ever watched or read The Secret, you know what this is. Basically, it is a board of things you dream about. Things that you want to happen in your life, and where you want to be in the future. The secret uses the universe as its guide. Saying “visualize yourself where you want to be.” Put it into the universe, and it will be yours. Now, I know many people that are religious, so the secret may be looked at as negative. However, The Secret teaches you to be grateful for what you have and visualize what you want, instead of dwelling on the negative in your life. So, in praying you could pray for health, instead of thinking of yourself being unhealthy. Or think of yourself as wealthy and thank God for what you have, and not dwell on the bills or debt. In the religious sense you can substitute the universe as who your God is.
This poem will always be on my vision board, and I will have this all my life as a reminder.
Now, I want to explain why I think this works. When I returned from Paris, I removed many things from my vision board. I removed pictures of the Eiffel Tower. I saw things that said, “live abroad”, and print outs that said “live in Europe.” I have a list of places I want to visit all over the world. The board is half empty now. I have to fill it up again. I have new dreams, and they are going to happen. Before I go to sleep, I will visualize what I want. Now I wont say that you just sit around visualizing and things happen. It took time and research and work to get a job in Paris. Truly, no one thought it was going to happen. Even people close to me.
Tonight I have been filling the board up again. It’s crazy how what I want has changed so much in 3 years. I recommend doing something similar if you can. Even if you just change the way you think. Think about what you want, and not what is wrong in your life. Visualize yourself there. If you are religious don’t just ask God for things, be grateful also. Being grateful is really what it’s all about.
First off, My dream guy is Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. Modernized, of course. I want to argue with someone and then they tell me something like, “You have bewitched me body and soul, and I love you.” and then we can go to a ball and dance. I also want to stand on a cliff at some point. That doesn’t necessarily involve a man, I just want to go to Ireland and Scotland. HA…
I have recently tried to be more open to online dating. I hate it. Personally, it is like talking to multiple people and not being able to tell whether they have any personality. It is very superficial. I cannot tell if the guy is just wanting to hook up, or actually looking to go on a regular date. Where do you meet people like normal? And why can’t guys just walk up to us and ask us out like they used to do in Friends? We see you staring at us in Starbucks. I know its not Central Perk, but get the F up and ask us out. If someone bought me a coffee at Starbucks I would probably marry them at this point. I would think they were my coffeemate. Get it?:)
I recently was supposed to have a date with a Surgeon. I know, they are assholes and have bad reps. This one seemed nice enough over Bumble texts. He was on call. I basically got stood up because he had surgery. Should I be more understanding? Probably. Most girls probably would be. They would be saying, “OMG hes a surgeon… he was busy.” I am thinking “He had time to wash his hands, so he had time to text I’m not going to make it.” I am so happy on my own that I basically need someone to give me a reason why they will make my life better.
Also, I am not good at texting. In case you don’t know me, I am blunt and sarcastic. I find it really hard to hold back over texts. I sound like a huge bitch over texts. Oh well. I warn them. Basically, I think I may be single forever. But at least i’m allergic to cats. So, spinster cat lady is not an option.
I’ll keep y’all posted on this online dating “adventure”?